


Am I The Only One

by ThisIsTheDungeonThatNeverEnds



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: How Do I Tag, Humor, Kink Meme, M/M, Multipairing, Poor Nyx, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 16:40:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11832768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisIsTheDungeonThatNeverEnds/pseuds/ThisIsTheDungeonThatNeverEnds
Summary: Nyx had retreated from the bloodiest of battles with less urgency than that with which he swung open the doors and ran like his life depended on it.  Or, in which Nyx Ulric seems cursed to walk in on EVERYONE having sex and wonders if he is the only one in all of Insomnia NOT getting laid today.





	Am I The Only One

**Author's Note:**

> Original Prompt: https://ffxv-kinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/4113.html?thread=6191377#cmt6191377

It was as if His Majesty had declared an official Everybody Gets Laid Day but no one told Nyx Ulric.   
  
He just came in to drop off the latest reports from the warfront with the King. That’s it. That’s all Nyx had to do today and the rest would be spent drinking beer and watching the professional chocobo racing semi-finals. Simple day. When he knocked on the door to King Regis’ office, however, his day turned from simple to weird in 2.53 seconds.  
  
“Bullocks, I forgot Nyx was coming! Quickly Clarus...”  
  
“Regis,  _I_ was almost  _coming_...”  
  
Nyx raised a suspicious eyebrow and wondered if he should knock again. When he heard a muffled  _umf_  from the other side he decided against it.   
  
Were they...noooooo, they couldn’t be...could they?  
  
“One moment, please!” Regis called out, a hint of mild distress in his voice.  
  
Nyx cleared his throat. “In your own time, Your Majesty.” He heard some shuffling and the distinct sound of a chair being dragged across the hard wood floor then someone, presumably Regis, loudly clearing their throat.  
  
“You may enter.”  
  
Nyx shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thoughts of  _were His Majesty and Clarus Amicitia really just…_  He pushed open the heavy doors and approached the desk where the King sat looking as pristine and regal as ever. Nyx bowed and placed the thick folder containing the reports requested of him on the desk. “Here are the reports from the warfront as requested, Your Majesty. Our forces are holding the newest influx of Imperial warships at bay for the time being. They aren’t gaining any ground, but neither are we. Captain Drautos is requesting reinforcements.”  
  
Before Regis could respond, a faint scuffing sound came from under the large desk. Nyx could not help but look down and when he did his eyes widened at the sight of the toe of a boot juuuuust peaking out. Regis seemed frozen in place.   
  
“I’lllookitoverthankyouNyx,” Regis prattled his words together. “Thatisallyouaredismissed.”  
  
It took every ounce of concentration Nyx had to look up from the boot he knew did not belong to Regis and every ounce of balance to bow without falling on his face. “Y-yes Your Majesty...um...good day.”  
  
He turned on his heals and literally power walked to the door. Nyx had retreated from the bloodiest of battles with less urgency than that of which he swung open the doors of the Kings office and ran like his life depended on it.  
  
And after interrupting Regis and Clarus now undoubtedly having sex, he wasn’t sure his life DIDN’T depend on it.

……………………………………..

Once he was a safe distance away from that office he stopped to catch his breath. Not that he couldn’t run faster and farther than any other Glaive save for possibly the captain, but what he was running  _from_  had knocked the wind clean out of him. He needed to wash his face and take a leak. Yes, he thought, that would help. He could then go home and watch the races and never have to think of the King and the Shield…  
  
Nope. Not thinking about it.   
  
By the time he reached the nearest restroom, the initial shock had mostly worn off. Good for them, he thought. Two old widowers finding love again...kinda romantic if he thought about it that way. Nyx wished for a passing moment if he would ever find love. His last girlfriend had been a clingy, nagging bitch and the boyfriend before her cheated and blamed HIM for “never being dtf.” No one would ever understand his life of service to the crown, he thought.   
  
Nyx was relieved to find the bathroom empty. Not many were in this wing of the citadel at this time of day, so he could at least relieve himself in peace. So he whistled an idle tune as he did so, and almost sprayed the damn ceiling when he was startle by a loud BANG! Someone, or rather two someones, arms tangled around each other and seemingly attached at the face, had just burst through the bathroom door.   
  
Was that...noooo...Astrals, that WAS him. First Clarus and now GLADIOLUS Amicitia! The other man, shorter with a much slighter build, dark blonde hair, and glasses was...what was his name? The Prince’s adviser he knew for sure. Something flamey, right?  
  
Nyx wasn’t sure how long he had been standing there at the urinal dick in hand staring at the young couple, or how long the couple had been staring back at him before he realized crap, I should probably put my dick away now.  
  
“Don’t mind me,” Nyx said before his brain could stop his mouth. “Just...peeing. Done now.” He zipped himself up and tiptoes around the couple who just stood frozen like a centuries old erotic statue that made schoolboys giggle in order to get to the sink to wash his hands for not as long as health code dictates. Once again, Nyx rushed out of a room so two people who were apparently trying to fuck could have their privacy. He wiped his wet hands on his coat and laughed.  
  
“Damn, did I miss a “National Fuck Day” memo or something?  
  
At least all the love in the air wasn’t making the front of his pants get tight. No, not in the least.

……………………………………..

After accidentally witnessing two “encounters” in the span of five minutes, Nyx needed fresh air. A nice walk in the gardens should clear his fuddled head, right? Right. Once again the shock wore off as he strolled through one of the citadel’s many gardens and he found himself happy for Gladiolus and...DAMN what was his name? Two people who served the crown, who understood how important duty was to each other, were able to find time to share an intimate moment. Now Nyx was jealous. Why couldn’t he have that?  
  
He whistled as he strolled along and - IGNACIO! That was the advisers name. Now Nyx could stop kicking himself for being a dumbass. At any rate he whistled and strolled along peacefully until he was just about ready to head home, shower,  ~~jerk off~~ , throw on some sweatpants, and settle down with pizza, beer and the tv remote. That was until he heard a faint sound – specifically a faint  _moan_  – from behind one of the hedges.   
  
Not again, he thought.  
  
As he continued walking trying and failing to ignore the erotic sounds, they grew louder and Nyx realized with a sinking feeling he was getting closer to rather than farther from the action.   
  
“Mm yes Prompto...”  
  
“Fuck, Noct, you feel so good...”  
  
Nyx. Froze. Right. There.   
  
Noct? Noct _is_? As in PRINCE Noctis?  
  
Nyx had to know. Curse his life dammit he HAD to know! He marched to the hedge the sound was coming from, swung back the branch...and immediately regretted every life decision that had lead him to this time and place. On the ground on his knees was a young blond haired blue eyed man who Nyx vaguely recognized from a few photos who was currently BALLS DEEP in the PRINCE who lay on his back with his legs pushed up against his chest. Upon seeing Nyx, both men screamed. As did Nyx.   
  
When the screaming had subsided, Nyx just stood there with jaw on the ground while Noctis and...he called him Pom-something-or-other, Nyx neither knew nor cared, scrambled around on the ground search for their cloths.  
  
“Nyx, what the hell!!!” Noctis shouted as he stood and shimmied into his pants. “First you’re gonna cock block me and now you’re just gonna stand there like an ass?!”  
  
Nyx blinked rapidly. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry it’s just...FUCK!” He threw up his hands and stepped back. “First the fathers, then both sons, Shiva’s TITS how is this my LIFE!?”  
  
And for the third time that afternoon, Nyx got the hell out of there.

…………………………….

Finally, FINALLY Nyx was home. After a shower  ~~and some relief by his own hand~~  he slipped into an old pair of sweatpants and a tshirt, ordered pizza and headed to the fridge. It was beer o’clock for Nyx, and it hadn’t come soon enough. He opened the door and reached for the shelf that was usually designated for alcohol… to find only one beer remaining. Well Hell. He wasn’t going back out lest he interrupt another session of dicking, so he sighed and accepted that one beer would have to do. He settled down on the couch and turned on the tv. The races were just about to start and Nyx smiled. Just in time. But as he watched the races, his mind drifted back to Noctis and his blond lover Pom-something. They started out friends and grew into lovers, Nyx mused. Damn. Everyone seemed to be finding love, or at least ass, except him. He knew Cor Leonis, the Crownsguard martial, was seeing someone, as was fellow Glaive Crowe Altus. He didn’t know of anyone else off hand, but the captain was always gallivanting off somewhere. Maybe he was with someone too? Nyx shrugged and downed the last swig of beer.  
  
Soon he heard his doorbell ring. Damn, he’d just gotten comfortable, too. Today was simply not the right day to by Nyx Ulric. He begrudgingly stood and went to answer the door, expecting pizza. What he saw when he answered the door was actually _better_ : his lifelong friend Libertus, carrying a case of their favorite brew.  
  
Nyx smiled. “I love you.”  
  
Libertus laughed and entered through the open doorway. “Bit dramatic tonight, aren’t we? Have a rough day doing the captains job or what?”  
  
“Yeah, or what,” Nyx sort-of answered. “Man you wouldn’t believe the things I’ve seen today.”  
  
“Tell me about it!” Libertus said, setting the case of beer on the coffee table. “I saw something I’ll be prayin’ to Ifrit for the next hundred years to burn out of my mind.”  
  
Nys took his place in his recliner after grabbing a beer for himself, while Libertus sprawled out on the couch with his own. “Oh yeah?”  
  
Libertus nodded. “Crowe. Like a little sis to me, right? Well I went to the gym today to get my phone charger, and I had to walk in on her...” Libertus washed down a look of disgust with a long drink from his can. “I walked in the locker room and there she was on the bench gettin’ fucked by, you ain’t gonna believe this shit, COR LEONIS!!!   
  
Nyx actually laughed in spite of himself. “Man, I wish I could say I was surprised, but I learned something fun about our King today.”  
  
Libertus, wide eyed, slammed his beer on the table. “Fuck off!”  
  
“His Majesty and his Shield, Clarus Amicitia. I went to drop off those reports like Drautos was supposed to have done yesterday, right?” Well I heard’em fumbling around in there and when the King finally let me in Clarus was hiding under the desk. UNDER the DESK, can you believe that shit?”  
  
Libertus slowly shook his head. “I need another beer. Okay, okay,” he reached for one more can from the case, “I got another one for ya. Crowe and Cor aren’t the only Glaive-Guard match-up going on. When I went out to the parking lot I saw Luche and Monica steaming up the windows of Luche’s car.”  
  
“Now THAT I’m surprised at. I though Luche was was on a strict sausage diet!”  
  
Libertus laughed. “Apparently not. Unless there’s something Monica ain’t tellin’ us about then-”  
  
Libertus was interrupted by the doorbell. “That’d be pizza!” Nyx excitedly declared. “Lemme get this and I’ll tell you who ELSE I caught together today.”   
  
“DAMN! Was today some kinda sex holiday that I forgot about?”  
“I know right!”  
  
Pizza way paid for and divvied out, and the chocobo races were long forgotten in the midst of two grown men gossiping like schoolgirls.   
  
“So,” Nyx mumbled around a mouth full of pepperoni and cheese, “I was in the bathroom at the citadel takin a leak. In stumble Gladiolus Amicitia and Ignacio, groping and stuck to each others faces.”  
  
Libertus made a strange face. “Gladiolus and  _who_?”  
  
“The Prince’s adviser. You know him?”  
  
Libertus laughed so hard and long he made himself cough. “I know him but apparently you don’t. The name’s IGNIS you dingus!”  
  
Nyx rolled his eyes. “Whatever, I was close wasn’t I? Anyway, The adviser and shield to the Prince are together and speaking of the Prince, I caught HIM getting fucked six ways to Saturday by some blond guy in the palace gardens.”   
  
“Whathahell,Mn!” Libertus tried to say with his mouth full of stuffed crust. He swallowed and washed his fourth slice of pizza down with another swig of his third beer. “Is everybody gettin’ tail but us?”  
  
Nyx shrugged. “Apparently. I haven’t had anyone but Rosy Palm sense I dumped that bimbo Steph three months ago.”  
  
Libertus let out a low whistle. “You’re loooong overdue, Buddy. Then again it’s been almost two months for me.”   
  
For some reason it went silent after that. The races were half over and they had no idea who was on the leaderbord. They didn’t care though. It was nice to just be two buddies with pizza, booze, and each others company.

Libertus stretched and stood.   
  
“Not headin’ out already are you?” Nyx asked.  
  
“Hell no, you can’t get rid of me that easy.” He pointed his thumb towards the bathroom. “Gonna break the seal.”  
  
Nyx nodded and for some inexplicable reason watched his friend walk away. Did his hips always... _sway_  like that? Hu.   
  
Nyx turned up the tv while Libertus was in the bathroom, intending to catch up on what he’d missed of the races in favor of gossip. His favorite racer was on the leaderbord, so he was happy. Libertus returned soon and sat on one side of the couch instead of sprawling out like he had before.  
  
Nyx yawned and stood. “My turn.” As he walked away he got the distinct feeling of being watched, but it wasn’t unpleasant. In fact he was sure he didn’t mind a bit if Libertus was staring at his ass. If Nyx was anyone but himself, he’d stare at his ass, too. He wasn’t too humble to admit he had a nice ass. So did Libertus, actually... funny, he’d never considered his best friend’s ass before but now that he did, it was a good thing his pants were as baggy as they were because  _hello_ …  
  
Man, he was one thirsty sunuvabitch.   
  
A commercial for some kind of candy was on when he returned and instead of going back to his recliner, Nyx sat on the couch next to Libertus. He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands.   
  
Libertus rested a reassuring hand On Nyx’s shoulder. “Guys like us got it rough, my friend. It’s hard to find someone who understands the sort of life we live and even when we do, who has time to actually do anything?  
  
Nyx laughed humorlessly. “Apparently five different couples judging by what we saw today. I don’t know how the ones you saw ended up together, but Regis and Clarus, they’ve both had broken hearts and patched each other up. Gladiolus and IGNIS, I got it right that time, they understand each other because they both run circles around the Prince, and then the Prince and the blonde kid started off as friends and now they’re apparently lovers.”  
  
Libertus nodded thoughtfully. “Where’s that for us?”  
  
Broken hearts. Service to the crown. Friends.   
  
Nyx eyed Libertus carefully to judge weather or not his friend was thinking the same thing as him. And was it just him or did Libertus’ hand seen to be slowly sliding down his back? He chanced a full look at Libertus now and...were they...yup, their faces were closer,  _much_  closer, no more than a couple inches apart. Nyx smiled. “I think I just found it.” Nyx never hesitated with anything, so he didn’t hesitate to close the distance between them and kiss the man who’d been his best friend sense before he could remember. Libertus, to Nyx’s relief, welcomed the kiss, returning is with more intensity than Nyx had imagined. He slipped the hand that had in fact been making its way down Nyx’s back under the back of Nyx’s shirt. It was bold, but then so was Libertus, and it made Nyx hum against Libertus’ mouth and deepen the kiss. Nyx hands found his new lover's thigh, and Libertus shifted his hips, causing Nyx fingers to brush against a very impressive bulge.  
  
Eventually Nyx had to breath, and as munch as he hated to admit it, he couldn't do that very well with someone else’s tongue down his throat. So he pulled away and opened his eyes to be met with a lustful gaze from Libertus.   
  
“You know,” Nyx said somewhat breathlessly, “You’ve had a bit to drink tonight.”  
  
Libertus chuckled. “You’re not taking advantage of me, if that’s what you’re worried about.”   
  
Nyx smirked. “No, it’s just that it might not be legal for you to drive. Wanna crash here tonight?” He made his true intentions known with a wink and a subtle roll of his hips.  
  
Libertus smiled that warm welcoming smile that Nyx had grown to love over the years, and hoped he would grow to love even more. He didn’t say a word, but he answered with a kiss. 


End file.
